Mollie the Collector Orangutan Toddler

Just what you've always wanted...right?

Ladies and Gentleman, this is a very special post, as it is the first post in what may be a big selection of posts known as The Critical Corner.  Yes, I am actually aware that sometimes I am super critical.  When I'm just overreacting or being sensitive, I try to keep things to myself.  But every once in a while...like right now for example, I know that I am being correctly critical (at least in my mind) and as such, should share my thoughts with the world.  So, World, you're welcome.

On to business...

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!  I'll tell you what it is, courtesy of this coupon...wait, what's that Lauren?  Did you say "coupon" or am I just seeing things?  Nope...you read me right...that's exactly what I said.  This coupon came with the other normal coupons in The Indianapolis Star on Thursday (at least I believe that it was Thursday [and that it was Indy Star...I suppose it could be Red Plum]).  Anyway, regardless of what publication it came from, the reverse side is a coupon for ADT Home Security.  Say it with me, folks...NORMAL COUPON!

But I digress, here is Mollie's description, in case you cannot read it from the scanned abnormal coupon.

She's so incredibly lifelike, you'll want to cuddle and nurture her the moment you see her!  Introducing Mollie, our very first orangutan toddler doll.  Created by master sculptor Simon Laurens in his Ashton-Drake debut, she is perfect in every detail.  She's realistically sculpted then hand-cast in our collector-quality vinyl, a material that re-creates every exceptional feature.  Little wisps of auburn hair applied by hand, and playful, blue eyes add to the adorable realism.  Pick her up and give her a hug, and she'll be yours forever!

A collector FIRST at an incredible value

Mollie is available for a limited time and high demand is expected.  Simon Laurens' one-of-a-kind creations sell for thousands of dollars, but Mollie can be yours for just $149.99*, payable in 5 interest-free installments of just $29.99.  Our 365-Day Guarantee assures your complete satisfaction.  Send no money now.  Just complete and mail the coupon today!

There are so many things that I could say...but possibly unlike the people that will be throwing away enough money to buy three microwaves (I know this because I just purchased one, myself...who needs three?) to get this creeptastic collectible, I have things to do with my life.

No offense to those of you out there in the world that are buying Mollie...okay no, a little bit of offense...but light-hearted offense...$150.00 can do a lot of good in this world...or it can get you Mollie (P.S. you have to pay $16.99 for shipping/service charges too)...so yeah...I'm trying to reason with you here, but if you're already set on purchasing this...thing...I feel as if we probably are not going to connect on any level, be it intellectual, emotional, or moral...and I'm pretty okay with that, I think.  I just wish I could convince you to not buy Mollie and support Invisible Children  or another worthy cause like that...instead of supporting this Simon Laurens who is apparently already making thousands of dollars making creepy things.

I mean seriously...look at it.  Have you noticed that SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU?!  I mean...she's got this look to her that seems to be saying "Hey, you.  Yeah, you.  Listen up.  Me and my crew from the collectibles zoo...we're coming for you.  We're heading to Walmart first to pick up some new Garanimals...but sleep with one eye open, Lady...you're next."

This has been the first edition of The Critical Corner.  All of us here at The Liminal State truly hope that you've enjoyed yourselves.

I'm out for now guys, stay classy.

Peace,
LT