Cranberry Oatmeal and the 56th Psalm

This morning, I have substituted 1/4 cup cranberry juice for 1/4 cup (out of 1 1/2 cups) water in making my oatmeal.  It definitely gives it a new taste.  I haven't decided yet if it's good or bad...but I am eating it.

Anyway, I'll level with you all.  Honesty is key, right?  My Congenital Myasthenia Gravis has really been beating me up lately.  It's just really frustrating...because I want to live!  But in all honesty, I feel guilty for being frustrated, because yes, while to say that IT SUCKS trying to get through college with this asinine disease would be a gross understatement, it also seems foolish to say so.  Why?  I'll tell you why.

Because the odds have always been against me.  This isn't a pity party...just a fact fiesta (wow...not gonna lie...that was clever).  I wasn't supposed to live.  Then I wasn't supposed to walk.  I wasn't supposed to make it through school or even be able to try to go to college, honestly.  But I'm here.  I'm doing it.  I'm doing it very slowly, yes, but I'm doing it.

Sometimes (okay, no...always) it is hard for me to remember that there is a line between doing my best and being the best.


And that's kind of where I am at right now, I think.  I don't know.  It's just disheartening to me that doing my best isn't always going to be the best.  It makes me feel even more behind everyone else than I really am, I think.

Sometimes I don't know who my worst enemy is.  You know the famous adage "I am my own worst enemy"?  Lots of times I think that I am that way.  But here's the thing.  My whole life I have been trying to live in the mindset that I am not my disease and my disease is not me.  So this genetic defect that is always trying to keep me down...that is not who I am....  So is the genetic defect my worst enemy?  Or is my mental/emotional/spiritual struggle with that defect my worst enemy?  And if so...is that struggle me? Am I that struggle?  I don't think so.  I hope not.  I don't want to be defined by what's wrong with me.

I'm pretty blessed to not have armies or angry people swearing to kill me.  I'm not persecuted in that way.  (This is my attempt at a segue.)  But I've always been fighting against my body to do what I want.  And this shell that I live in has been doing its best to hold me back for 23 years.  So in a sense...I feel persecuted by myself...but involuntarily...if that makes any sense.  Anyway...when I was eating my oatmeal (actually I have yet to finish it) I read this Psalm which gave me some hope or insight or comfort or something like those things.

Psalm 56

Trust in God under Persecution

To the leader:  according to The Dove on far-off Terebinths.  Of David.

A Miktam, when the Philistines seized him in Gath.

Be gracious to me, O God, for people trample on me;

all day long foes oppress me;

my enemies trample on me all day long,

for many fight against me.

O Most High, when I am afraid,

I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I am not afraid;

what can flesh do to me?

All day long they seek to injure my cause;

all their thoughts are against me for evil.

They stir up strife, they lurk,

they watch my steps.

As they hoped to have my life,

so repay them for their crime;

in wrath cast down the peoples,

O God!

You have kept count of my tossings;

put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your record?

Then my enemies will retreat

in the day when I call.

This I know, that God is for me.

In God, whose word I praise,

in the Lord, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I am not afraid.

What can a mere mortal do to me?

My vows to you I must perform, O God;

I will render thank offerings to you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,

and my feet from falling,

so that I may walk before God

in the light of life.

All that I can say is thank you Lord for Your Word, Your guidance, and Your Son...all of which take this life of mine and make it mean something, turning my burdens into opportunities to seek You further.

Well of course, that's not all I can say...but the following is not about Psalm...

I can also say that my cranberry oatmeal experiment was probably a one time only deal.  Not sure it's good.  Also, it is now cold.  I will finish it now, and continue on with my day as best as I can.  My plan is not to fight against my body (it is doing what it is doing for some reason) but to Stand with the Lord.

Peace and Blessings to you all on this Tuesday.

Stay Classy,

LT