A Song for Today

I'm at a point in my life...I think...a point where life twists and turns and takes you to various places...and it's just weird to recognize that while I'm at that point in my own life, one of those closest to me is at that point in her own as well.  Today...one of the dearest people in my life, a girl who may know me even better than I know myself, a puzzle piece of my soul, and my best friend...was taking a nap in my bed before she went to work .  I was reading A Doll's House by Henrik Ibsen.  Nickel Creek (one of our shared favorites) was playing in the background.  She was sleeping soundly.  I was studying soundly.  But then a song came on that kind of broke down this invisible wall of strength that I've been trying to maintain for a while.

When You Come Back Down

By: Nickel Creek

You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I'll keep lookin' up, awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall

[Bridge:]
Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare

I'll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare,
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down 

This friend of mine...this sister to my soul...is graduating soon (she's a little bit more on time with her education than I am).  She's going on and following her dreams.  That is the best that I could ever ask for or wish for her.  And I do.  EVERY OUNCE of me is in full support of where she's going and what she's doing.  There must be absolutely no mistake about that.  There's no "but" here...just an "and."

...and the thing is...no matter how much I love her and wish the best for her and NEVER EVER would want to hold her back...there is this regrettably human selfishness within me that just doesn't know what I'm going to do without her by my side.  I am my own person.  A beautiful person.  I know I will still be me on my own.  Okay...here's the "but," I guess I lied...but...we complament each other.  Yes...I know that that is incorrect spelling.  It's a made up word that combines both "compliment" and "complement" because we do both.

Anyway...I woke her up from her nap.  I was crying but didn't want to say why.  I don't want her to feel anything but love and support from me.  At the same time though...I don't want her to think that this is going to be easy for me.  It doesn't matter that it's not going to be easy...life isn't easy, period.  But what I'm saying is that I don't want her, for a moment, to think that she's unappreciated, unloved, or that my heart doesn't cry itself dry when I think of her living on the West Coast...instead of a few blocks away.

I think that's all that I have to say.  For now anyway.  We're sitting in the library.  She's being studious and studying and I am blogging.  Something is wrong with this picture.  I just wanted to put that out there.  Maybe if I break down crying tonight I'll just have her read this as an explanation.  Here's hoping that that doesn't happen though.  I look up to her so much.  As an actor, a designer, a woman, a sister, a friend, a person, and a soul.  I want nothing more for her to fly as high as she can.

Thanks for listening.

Peace, Hope, and Love,

LT